Final Fantasy VIII: The Not So Final Final Fantasy
by RedSunEternal
Summary: The beginning of the humorous rewrite of the FFVIII storyline.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Balamb Garden!**  
Squall: Why do they have two lower case letters?  
RSE: How the hell am I supposed to know?  
outside Balamb Garden  
Seifer and Squall are fighting  
Squall: DIE!  
Seifer: blocks motions with hand  
Squall: rushes Cocky bastard...  
Seifer: What did you call me? Fire!  
Squall: AHHHHH! falls down  
Seifer: WEEEEE! slices Squall's face  
Squall: Owwwww! passes out  
Later at the Infirmary  
Woman: Hey Squall...  
Squall: GO AWAY! I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU!  
Woman: FINE THEN I WONT TELL YOU EITHER! stalks off  
Squall: Finally I can get some sleep, ...so tired after that huge Frat party last night and all those drugs...  
a little later  
Quistis walks in and wakes up Squall  
Quistis: Oh, Squall you really shouldn't let him get to you like...  
Squall: Shut up!  
Quistis: quivers in fear Ok...  
Squall walks out  
Quistis: Hey wait for me!  
Squalls SeeD rank goes down for yelling at his teacher  
Squall: Hey! I need that rank! I'm gonna make less money now!  
RSE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Squall: mumbles Stupid omnipotent narrator...  
RSE: smacks Squall No bad talking the narrator! I'm omnipresent too!  
Squall: Grrrr...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2! - SeeD initiation!**  
Still in the infirmary  
Quistis-Well now that your done figuring out the narrator is all-knowing, all-seeing, and  
all-powerful, Let's head back to class.  
Squall-Fine...  
in the hallway  
Quistis-I think I'm finally beginning to understand you Squall.  
Squall-Oh really? Understand this! turns into Safer Sephiroth  
Safer Sephiroth-BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Quistis-AHHHHHHHH!  
Safer Sephiroth-sees people in the quad DIE! casts Pale Horse on them   
HAHAHAHAHA! Hop, Froggies, Hop!  
Quistis-We might wanna leave now...  
Later, in the class  
Quistis-Ok class the SeeD exam is today I hope you're all prepared! And Seifer...  
Seifer-Huh?  
Quistis-Don't injure your sparring partner during training next time!  
Seifer-slams hand on desk breaking his computer Ummm... oops...  
Quistis-And your gonna have to pay for that too. Oh, and Squall see me after class. Class   
dismissed!  
class leaves  
Squall-What?  
Quistis-You haven't been to fire cavern yet have you?  
Squall-(I was going to this morning but Seifer...) No.  
Quistis-Then we'll have to go there! Meet me at the Front Gate.  
Quistis leaves  
Later, after Squall explores the whole school  
Quistis-Oh yes we have to take another student with us too.  
Zell-Hiya! does flipping moves  
Squall-Ummm... Hi.  
Quistis-Let's go!  
They arrive at the fire cavern after facing lots of monsters  
Squall-Stupid bugs...  
SeeD official-How long would you like to take?  
Zell-2 minutes!  
Squall-10 minutes is fine.  
SeeD official-Very well you may enter.  
They enter and go along the path fighting monsters till they get to a big platform  
Squall-We're here... Now what?  
Ifrit-pops up outa the lava Meow!  
Zell-A kitty! I hate kitties! kicks da kitty  
Ifrit-Ow!  
enter battle  
Ifrit-Fire!  
Everyone loses 1 HP.  
Ifrit-Wha?  
Zell-Stupid kitty! Shiva!  
Shiva deals 1000 damage to Ifrit.  
Ifrit-AHHHH! collapses  
end battle  
Squall-Great... now we have a big kitty for a GF...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3! - SeeD Field Exam!**  
Still in the Fire Cavern  
Squall - Let's get the hell out of here.  
They leave  
Squall - What the hell was the point of putting us in there if we're just gonna leave?  
RSE - Quiet you! I am God! I do as I wish! Smacks Squall  
Squall - Owww! Stop doing that dammit!  
RSE - No! How about you stop back-talking me? Do you have a major death wish or something?  
Squall - Yes...  
Zell - I WANT HOTDOGS! Runs off to cafeteria  
Quistis - What a stupid little man... Oh what? Hey stop listening in on me!  
RSE - Bwahahahahahahahaha!  
Squall - OK, let's just move on...  
Quistis - Squall the Field Exam is soon, go get Zell and tell him to get changed and do the same yourself.  
Squall - I hate you...  
Later after they have gotten changed  
Quistis - OK, Seifer's gonna be team leader.  
Squall - DO WHAT?  
Seifer - Yes! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 50 push-ups! Now!  
Seifer suddenly falls out flat  
Zell - Muhuhahahaha! I love this thing!  
Squall - What thing?  
Zell - Huh, what? I didn't say anything...  
They get in the car  
They arrive at Balamb  
Zell - Wow, that was faster than me.  
RSE - I know, now shut up.  
Squall - Let's just hurry up and get to the boat.  
Seifer - Oh no you don't! I'm the leader I'll say when we leave!  
Squall - Fine, oh great leader, proceed.  
Seifer - Huh? What? Oh right, let's go team!  
They board the boat  
Xu - I'm Sue with an X and I'll be briefing you.  
Zell - What? Sue isn't spell with an X...  
Xu - He's not to bright is he?  
Squall - Not really, so what's the mission?  
Xu - The mission is to help get rid of the Remaining Galbadian forces in Dollet.  
Seifer - This is gonna be an easy mission. Even the chicken-wuss should have no problem with this one.  
Zell - WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?  
Zell gives Seifer the finger  
Seifer - Heh. The chicken-wuss doesn't like the truth much. What's the matter Squall? Not gonna defend your friend?  
Seifer's mouth suddenly gets zippered shut  
Zell - Hahahahahaha! Yes it worked!  
Quistis - What worked?  
Zell - Oh nothing... tires to hide Gameshark behind his back


End file.
